Yep, it's a bad hair day. Should have gotten it cut yesterday but didn't feel well. I think I have vertigo or I'm just loopy. Seeing the doc later. Holy crap! My patio umbrella just went flying past my back door. Thought it was coming in to see me. Okay, heart rate going back to normal....sort of...
Okay, I need volunteers. I need a smack upside the head. I have to get motivated on my weight loss journey. I keep feeling sorry for myself that my band has been put on hold. I really don't feel like eating healthy. Was the surgery my only motivation?? No, I'm ready for this. But, man, it's a struggle. I know I need to cultivate healthy habits and I really have. I do exercise nearly every day. But I want to move on. I had pictured myself weighing less by now. If I had been banded 8/27 I'm sure I would have lost a few pounds by now. I also thought I'd be in control by the holidays. With the band in place, I knew I'd remain so virtuous. On my own, I'm not so sure.
I just read a great blog where the blogger talked about being a funny, articulate, worthwhile gal...she just has some extra weight. Well, I'm smart, not hideous :) and am witty. I just have hidden myself under layers of fat. Why? Good question. I think going with the status quo has been somewhat easier than losing weight and dealing with all the comes with it. I'm not big on change. Staying fat...well, it sure doesn't encourage relationships with men....Hmmm, could it be that I've been burned before and don't want to get close to that flame again? Or, will my family approve of my guy? Hmmm, been there. This weight loss journey is like peeling an onion. So many layers. Some more transparent than others and some just make you cry. Wow, a revelation and it's only noon.
2 comments:
Here's your >SMACK!!!<
I can assure you, the struggles you have now won't go away once you're banded. Why do you think I see an eating disorder therapist? Just this week I've been reaching for things I shouldn't because if I don't, I'ma gonna grab something large and lethal and clunk DH over the head with it.
So... if you can start to at least THINK about what you want, work it through, and start setting up good patterns now, it might be easier for you once you ARE banded.
There's your smack. :)
Beth, you are so right. I actually thought more about this today...I'm going to be healthy and happy no matter what. The band will just help me keep things in check. The power lies within me.
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